Bluesky Funnies 2024-12-27

There’s no such thing as less than nothing, yet that’s exactly what I did today.

— Brosephine Wires, Sofa Meteorologist (@joparkerbear.bsky.social) 2024-12-22T00:00:41.646Z

Santa Claus: So I named this one Comet and this one Vixen and this one Dasher an-Mrs. Claus: Uhhh… Can we elaborate on that second one a bit?

— illumi-naughty or nice (@illumi.meme) 2024-12-22T01:03:58.167Z

my least favorite part of baking cookies is scooping the little dough balls out of the ice cream

— futuredad🙋🏻‍♂️ (@lacroixboi.dadguy.online) 2024-12-23T02:27:09.335Z

This day in history. 1888. Dutch painter Vincent van Gogh cut off his left ear after witnessing the manner in which houseguest Paul Gauguin ate soup.

— Jimmer Cork-Bottle (@jimmerthatisall.bsky.social) 2023-12-23T10:24:58.092Z

Her: The restaurant's within walking distance.Me: So…it's somewhere in this living room?

— 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 (@unfitz.bsky.social) 2023-08-19T22:12:17.478Z

[a horse walks into a bar]bartender: what can i get youhorse: what no that’s not how this format goes you’re supposed to say why the long f… you know what nvm just show me where i can get some waterbartender: i could but then i can’t make you drink horse: what

— (@kattsdogma.bsky.social) 2024-12-22T15:28:35.116Z

Santa: On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer and VenisonVixen: wait what

— dan mentos (@danmentos.com) 2024-12-24T04:10:34.987Z

“what am I even doing anymore?” I ask the taco bell speaker voice.

— jordan [ham] (@nursemurderer.bsky.social) 2024-12-17T17:18:07.203Z

I'm here to give the eulogy for my late therapist, Randall, a gifted man and human except for his boundary issues and being awful in bed

— Hi, it's Abby. Yep. (@abbycohenwl.bsky.social) 2024-12-24T04:20:06.880Z

once again god is giving me the toughest battles

— Ygrene (@ygrene.bsky.social) 2024-03-26T11:40:17.171Z

Someone in 1983: they’ll cure cancer in my lifetime 2024: the best I can give you is oreo cookies inside of coca cola

— Bluesky T. Vibes (@vibesbummer.bsky.social) 2024-11-22T23:32:34.903Z

*alarm clock buzz**click*SANTA: (wakes up, looks at phone) [Dec. 25, 8:31 am] OH SHIT OH SHIT FUCKFUCKFUCK!

— Ray (@sireviscerate.bsky.social) 2023-12-23T15:27:59.542Z

I sleep with a bat under my bed in case someone breaks in and wants to learn about echolocation

— Hi, it's Abby. Yep. (@abbycohenwl.bsky.social) 2024-12-25T06:36:59.132Z

Midnight Mass = Midnight Density x Midnight Volume

— Gian D’Oh (@giandoh.bsky.social) 2024-12-25T15:01:45.569Z

scrooge: you there boy! what day is it boy: be serious you’re going to work after three days it must be monday scrooge: but everyone’s doing their friday activities boy: what!! why would they do that scrooge: i don’t know!boy: i’m scared scrooge: me too boy! me too!!

— m@thew (@tweetpotato314.bsky.social) 2024-12-27T11:52:10.978Z

Clint Eastwood acting all tough like a shower floor can’t take him out.

— PieGuy (@ilovepie84.bsky.social) 2024-12-27T02:12:36.347Z

admit how tempted you’d be to hit random buttons on darth vader’s chest box if he was your best friend

— James (@james.tarnation.lol) 2024-12-26T23:57:40.840Z