Bluesky Funnies 2025-01-04

Welcome to Bluesky. There’s no algorithm. Your god has abandoned you.

— Woodrow Peel 🆗🆒 (@woodyluvscoffee.bsky.social) 2024-12-31T00:30:50.997Z

If you just mouth “fuck you” when you testify in court, it doesn’t go on the transcript

— Hi, it's Abby. Yep. (@abbycohenwl.bsky.social) 2024-12-30T03:15:07.156Z

*Last Supper*Jesus (picks up the bread): This is my bodyJesus (picks up the wine): This is my bloodJesus (picks up the check): This can’t be right. We only had bread and wine. Which one of you ordered the lamb?!

— Woodrow Peel 🆗🆒 (@woodyluvscoffee.bsky.social) 2024-12-30T02:07:35.875Z

Jesus: k, I’m back I guessMe (a member of the HOA): YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED ON THE WATER IN THE PUBLIC POOL WITHOUT—OH GREAT NOW IT’S WINE

— Jimmy Biscuits (@jimmybiscuits.bsky.social) 2024-12-12T23:54:26.483Z

ME: I have successfully cloned my brain into a robot bodyROBOT: *cries*ME: that’s normalROBOT: I WANT TO DIEME: also normal

— Dr. Bucky Isotope, PhD, BOFA (@buckyisotope.bsky.social) 2024-12-30T01:01:00.433Z

I've just invented the music genre "bagpipe jazz" and you're all going to find out what it sounds like unless my demands are met

— mindflakes (@mindflakes.bsky.social) 2024-12-20T22:29:49.157Z

It would be fun to have sideline reporters at academic conferences.Reporter: "Prof. Rothman, how do you come back from such a devastating Q&A? They really hammered you out there."Me: "All we can do is go back to the archives, find more evidence, and then just trust the process, Helen."

— Adam Rothman (@adamrothman.bsky.social) 2024-12-30T00:44:57.388Z

The word 'twice' is so good they named it 'twice'.

— Moose Allain (@mooseallain.bsky.social) 2024-12-30T09:47:31.210Z

Whenever I’m unfamiliar with a word, I throw caution to the wind and spell it frenetically.

— Uncle Duke (@uncleduke1969.bsky.social) 2024-12-30T17:45:34.586Z

what do you mean you’re not going out for NYE?! you’re not going to start your new year waking up exhausted and kind of sick? you some kind of loser??

— maura quint (@mauraquint.bsky.social) 2025-01-01T04:38:58.456Z

this is the year i'm finally gonna figure out how to eat spaghetti without getting all tangled up and scared

— more mr. nice guy (@juniorhoncho.bsky.social) 2025-01-01T09:33:59.718Z

I know we're all aiming high with New Year resolutions, but maybe we should just try to keep the inside of the microwave clean first.

— Festive Amanda (@mandalikewine.bsky.social) 2024-12-31T19:58:55.321Z

when you eat some mushrooms at the party and come home to find your mom waiting up for you

— Uncle Duke (@uncleduke1969.bsky.social) 2025-01-01T04:03:26.459Z

eating mcdonald’s for lunch tomorrow and putting it in myfitnesspal under december 32nd

— m@thew (@tweetpotato314.bsky.social) 2024-12-31T23:09:01.515Z

CEO: We need to cut useless positions CAO: Not the chief acronym officer right? LolCEO: Bob, you're firedCAO: GTFOCEO: No, you CAO: WTF

— ☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️ (@captantagonist.bsky.social) 2025-01-01T19:42:00.043Z

Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster

— Thomas White (@len0killer.bsky.social) 2024-11-28T03:08:44.078Z