Bluesky Funnies 2024-12-14

Mom: Come on then. Tell us one of your little storiesAesop: They’re called fables, Mom

— Brynnester (@brynnester.bsky.social) 2024-12-12T22:00:28.988Z

me: [in kitchen] today we’re going to replace my wife’s coffee with a live badger, let’s see if she noticeswife: [from other room] hey you better not be in there replacing my coffee with a live badger

— Ygrene (@ygrene.bsky.social) 2024-12-09T11:39:17.325Z

I think this English guy just called me stupid but I can’t be sure because it sounded like an apology or maybe a compliment.

— 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 (@unfitz.bsky.social) 2024-12-09T11:23:48.242Z

I didn't get where I am today without refusing to ask anyone for directions.

— Frank Ray Whitehouse (He/Him) (@wheeltod.bsky.social) 2024-12-09T13:00:59.334Z

– My superpower is never wasting my time arguing with idiots.- That's not a superpower.- You're right.

— Samuel H. Lowe (@samuelhlowe.bsky.social) 2024-12-09T06:24:33.767Z

me: so if you DID have a black, orange and white cow–her: *sighs*me: would it be called cowlico or calicow?her: *opens car door, jumps*

— Nate's Myth (@natesmith.dev) 2024-12-09T07:01:46.817Z

and for successfully resisting the urge to eat a little treat, I shall reward myself with a little treat

— J. L. Westover (@mrlovenstein.bsky.social) 2024-12-09T21:07:29.424Z

Anything can be a cat toy if you don’t want it to be

— Ointmental (@ointmental.bsky.social) 2024-05-26T13:11:45.710Z

tuesday is just two mondays in a trench coat

— Emma Bolden (@emmabolden.bsky.social) 2024-12-10T20:46:41.985Z

We got a fax. At work. We didn't know we had a fax machine. Everyone just stared at it. I poked it with a stick.

— Dgar (@dgar.bsky.social) 2024-12-10T22:47:52.954Z

going thru pornhub and 👎ing any vid where I don’t see wedding rings

— m@thew (@tweetpotato314.bsky.social) 2024-12-13T00:38:30.184Z

*watching James Blunt mouth "not you" to me after singing You're Beautiful in concert*

— Dave Cactus (@davecactus.bsky.social) 2024-12-04T14:00:28.137Z

Listen, all I'm saying is that fish either don't bathe at all or they constantly bathe. It can't be both. PRIEST: Those are your vows?

— Greg (@growlygrego.bsky.social) 2024-12-13T05:01:52.094Z