Bluesky Funnies 2025-02-01

Quick question, how do we fix the problems

— donni saphire (@donni.bsky.social) 2025-01-24T18:16:44.268Z

I hope you never find your place in the sun.Look, this is for your safety, it’s like super hot in there.

— 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 (@unfitz.bsky.social) 2025-01-25T10:57:03.368Z

If someone is an accessory to the theft of Big Macs they are a Hamburglar Helper

— Xavier (@xinicit.bsky.social) 2025-01-25T06:18:41.707Z

i better pick up some gatorade

— Uncle Duke (@uncleduke1969.bsky.social) 2025-01-25T20:35:03.692Z

Dorothy: Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore. Toto: Obviously. We're blessing the rains down in Africa.

— Danny (@mardigroan.bsky.social) 2025-01-25T15:14:40.163Z

Her: You shouldn’t say hot. Say beautiful instead. Me: ok *sigh* can you pass me the beautiful sauce

— stabke (@stabke.bsky.social) 2025-01-26T00:35:14.994Z

When I’m looking for a snack, sometimes I’ll have a little snack to tide me over

— Midge (@midge.bsky.social) 2025-01-26T01:37:08.088Z

Doctor: The good news is this is a surprise birthday party!Patient: But my birthday's not till next month Doctor: Which brings me to the bad news

— Hi, it's Abby. Yep. (@abbycohenwl.bsky.social) 2024-12-04T04:04:06.824Z

I wrote something in cursive and a 20 year old told me the they didn't speak French.

— nakedlaughing (@nakedlaughing.bsky.social) 2025-01-27T04:07:51.667Z

Defendant: It's a banana in my pocketJudge: May I remind the defendant that he's under oath? Defendant (averting eyes): I'm glad to see you

— Hi, it's Abby. Yep. (@abbycohenwl.bsky.social) 2025-01-26T21:46:15.771Z

Wife, walking into bedroom: Why does it smell like onions and farts in here?Me, handing her recipe from under the covers: This is what the recipe calls for. Wife: This is absolutely not what they mean by “use a Dutch oven to sauté the onions.”

— Mr. Silky (@mrsilkydmv.bsky.social) 2025-01-24T00:31:41.070Z

Lou's Garage – 1/5 starsNot a serious garage. One mechanic said "here's your problem" held up my Bette Midler CD. Another slid under the engine and kept going until he was outside

— Ceej (@ceejoyner.bsky.social) 2025-01-29T16:57:31.007Z

Hey girl, do you like good guys? *opens pack of fruit snacks*Or bad boys? *shoves them all in mouth at once*

— Steve Suckington (@stevesuckington.bsky.social) 2025-01-30T00:38:05.627Z

you can’t have your cake and eat it too, but you can halve your cake and eat it two. you’re welcome

— Dropped Mike (@rebrafsim.bsky.social) 2025-01-30T18:32:51.438Z

ME: As Einstein once said, “I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots”.SON: [not looking up from phone] That guy needs to stick to making monsters.

— FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF (@sofarrsogud.bsky.social) 2025-01-31T13:45:12.251Z